Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Things People Don't Tell You About Friendships

Friendship is quite a complex word.  To each of us it might mean something a little different.  Each individual friendship has many different components and no two friendships are ever 100% identical. I think the basis of true long lasting friendships would have to be loyalty, communication, and flexibility.  Granted I'm not an expert, but in my almost twenty three years on the planet these things have proven to be the base of my forever friendships. Loyalty is important because nobody wants a friend who they can't trust. I always say with any relationship without trust you have nothing, and friendship definitely is included in this circle of trust. Communication is crucial in any relationship because you need to be able to communicate how you're feeling, advice, etc.  Poor communication can literally destroy a friendship.  Last but not least is flexibility.  Surprise, you are not going to be able to live five minutes away from your friends for the rest of your life.  Cue the flexibility. You're going to have to be flexible about finding times to visit one another, chat on the phone, and even be patient as you go through different hurdles of life. 

I'm sure we've all had those friendships that we thought would last forever, but sadly they fizzled out. It's hard to let go of all the memories you had with some people, but there is always a lesson to be learned from every failed friendship.  Over the years, I've learned a lot about friendships..some of these things are what people don't really tell you about friendship. 

Friendships are like plants. They all require a different type of care.
You're going to have to figure out what your friends' expectations are and how you can meet them so that it works for both of you.  Some friends are needier than others. 

When friendships breakup it hurts, regardless of whether it's a slow fade or a hard break off. Sometimes it can hurt just as bad as when a romance ends. 
Some friends you instantly connect with and things move fast. You claim that the two of you are instant BFFS, but sometimes things happen and the forever in BFF is taken away. It could be drama related, distance, or maybe you just don't have many commonalities anymore. When you're close to someone and then they are gone, it can hurt.

You might outgrow some friends, and in turn some friends might outgrow you.
People come in and out of our lives for many reasons.  As humans we change throughout life, and sometimes we have to drop friendships that just haven't changed with us. 

At some point, you might feel a little left out. 
Your friends might make other friends, but always remember if they are forever friends they won't forget you. 

You're not always going to like the person your friends are dating.  Likewise, they might not always like your significant other either.  
You'll have to find the balance of making the attempt to be nice while also looking out for your friend. It's not worth it to end a friendship because you don't like their significant other. 

Sometimes friendships are one-sided.
Friendships should be a two-way street. One person cannot be the only one to make an effort. At some point, you're going to have to end these one-sided friendships because they are just taxing. 

Long distance friendships aren't easy.
As you grow older, your friends are going to move away. You will go from being a short five minute drive away to maybe a few hours plane ride away.  It won't be easy to have your friends across the country. If the friendship means something to you, then you will find a way to make it work.  

Some friends are basically like family. 
If you're lucky, then throughout your life you will find a friend or two who actually become your family.  These are the people who get you the most. The ones that will come with you to your grandparents house for Christmas when you're significant other can't.  The friends that will stay at your house even when you're not there. 

You need to be friends with yourself. 
This sounds corny, but the truth is that sometimes life can be lonely. You need to be able to like and respect yourself when others might not.  

What are the ingredients you put into a high quality friendship?

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